I know, I know. You’ve heard it before – BE in the moment. STAY in the moment. APPRECIATE this moment – it is all that really exists.
It’s hard enough to even find “the moment” in our busy lives of work, worry and wonder (and friendships, dog walks, tai chi, spin class, acai berry drinks and sunrise yoga!) WHEW! All in the name of staying relaxed!
So, let’s say you have developed a quiet time practice for yourself (in some realms, this is actually called meditation but I don’t want to scare you off!); and let’s say you are able to stop the brain chatter for a bit; and let’s say you sink into the silence between the thoughts; and find your own truth of the moment; and you find that truth is…THIS MOMENT SUCKS!
I say this lightly but it is one of the biggest obstacles we have in starting a meditation practice – oops! personal quiet and reflection time. We finally quiet down our “busy-ness” and we find the root of ourselves. So, so often we don’t like what we see at first glance – or second or third glance either.
When we quiet down and we don’t like what we see, we can be left with a very discouraging feeling of emptiness or lonliness. Just know this is normal. So we ask – how do you STAY IN THE MOMENT when the moment just sucks?
I wish I had an easy answer but I can say – WELCOME. Stay with it.
Many of us, especially in Northern California are inundated with “the good life” scenarios. And much of our spirituality is based on a false sense of needing to feel happy all the time! I know you’ve heard it. “Be grateful for what you have” or “let’s find the peace in just being together” or even “light the candle and let your anxiety just melt away.” ARGH! But what of the moments that I am NOT grateful for my yard, my shedding cats, my annoying friend or even the candle that is about to drip wax on my carpet?
Okay, sure, there ARE other things that cause more harm but if that’s where you are at that moment – STOP! Be there! Be with it! Only by facing the “crap” can you let go of it and move on. If you brush it off as a “whatever, at least I have my health” and don’t actually deal with the angst that creates the thoughts, you will be no better off years from now than…NOW.
Being happy for every moment is impossible for anyone, no matter how privileged or how poverty stricken you are. We have moments of happiness. And if you follow that to it’s logical outcome , you guessed it, we have moments of “sucky-ness” too.
I know I often feel like I had a successful meditation if I reflect on something meaningful and happy. A feeling of gratefulness. When I feel miserable and cranky and anxious and fidgety, I am prone to think that was a “bad time to meditate” or “I shouldn’t waste time meditating when there is obviously so much else to do.”
True “enlightenment” comes from being able to sit in the fire, when all looks happy AND when all looks bleak and not judge yourself. Just be with it.
Here are some simple (albeit not EASY) steps to help you stay in the moment:
Breathe 10 times - What does it feel like to breathe? Cool air going in. Warm air rushing out. Do you breathe into your stomach? or chest? deeply or shallow? fast or slow? Try it a few different ways to see what something else feels like.
Take a body inventory - what does this “sucky-ness” FEEL like in your body? Do you feel it in your stomach? your heart? your lungs? throat? eyes? What do you feel? Pressure? Butterflies? Stillness?
Go just a bit deeper in feeling – locate one area that seems to be taking the most amount of attention and really go into the feeling. If you feel tightness, what KIND of tightness? do you think it’s bad to be tight? good? Have you ever noticed this feeling before? Is it hard to pay attention to?
Check in with your thoughts - Try not to JUDGE if it’s good or bad but look at your thoughts. Are there lots and lots of them? are you thinking about thinking? Are they complete thoughts or just bits and pieces of chatter?
A moment of love - Go back to the part of your body that got your attention and just love it for a brief moment, yes, even if it was causing you pain! The love can be as long or short as you want – a deep connection with the area that fills your heart or a simple nod and thank you. As you attempt the love, see if ANY sensation changes. Does this make you feel good? stupid? silly? trusting?
Breathe 10 times - anything different? yes? no? did you expect it to be different?
There. Whether you like it or not, you just had “a moment”. Even if it sucked. You had it. And you stayed with it.
Rinse. Repeat.
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On a side note, the most helpful thought I was given when I started my meditation practice was that EVERY “enlightened” being has gone a bit crazy for a time. I still believe it is truly impossible to open your mind and heart and spirit to each and every moment without becoming a bit depressed and anxious. There will be times you ask – WHY should I even do this? Wasn’t it just easier to live with my spirit closed? Well, try to go back and close it. More than likely you’ll find real depression there.
